Little things we take for granted

Many people take things for granted in their lives, not for any bad reasons but just for the simple fact that we know no different. Power at the flick of a switch, clean, fresh water from the tap etc etc. But I am learning the hard way of many other things people take for granted. There are 2 major issues with me and I will tell you the first one now. When I first became disabled I started to rely on my hands for my mobility. My hands let me walk with crutches or with a zimmer, they could even make a wheel chair go by myself. I had arm muscles to beat any man but I often thought about the future when old age could affect my hands and therefore affect my mobility. It scared me. What is old age though? 40,50,60,70? The one thing I knew though was old age wasn't 34. I had time or so I thought. It started suddenly about the start of December with my arms going numb during the night. Nothing unusual there as at times we all lie on our arms and wake up with a numb arm but what was unusual with me was both arms were numb. I couldn't be lying on both arms at the same time. It got to the stage where it was taking close to an hour in the morning to get any feeling back in them and sometimes the kids were having to hold a drink to my mouth in the morning to be able to swallow my medication. Then came the pain :( My knuckles and fingers started swelling and it became agony to grip anything so my crutches became impossible some days and excruciating on other days. I cant open bottles, cut veg or cheese, I cant even do my own bra strap up. The doctor diagnosed a trapped nerve in my neck but said to me that because of everything I had been through I wouldn't want anyone poking about there but when I got home and thought about it, I thought no, because of everything I have been through is exactly why I DO want someone poking about there. My back trouble started with ''a trapped nerve'' but was really a prolapsed disc which went on to rupture and crush my spinal cord. I became aware that discs could prolapse in the neck also when I applied for travel insurance and was asked was the prolapse in my lumber region or my neck. I know I have 3 more partially prolapsed discs in my lumber region but none causing any cord compression but all 3 a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. My neurosurgeon told me I am at a high risk of another prolapse anyways since I have had one already but it never crossed my mind it could be in my neck. My Doctor tends to put all my pain and my problems down to cauda equina and is filling me full of increasing amounts of painkillers and other drug till they are actually affecting my quality of life which leads to my second thing that people take for granted and it's not until you lose it that you realise you ever took it for granted. I will finish up about my Doctor though. What I really want her to do is send me to an orthopaedic doctor and actually get my back checked out. Because when things went wrong 2 years ago it was so serious I bypassed orthopaedic and went straight to neurology. The neurosurgeons fixed the problem but what caused the problem? When I had a private medical done for my legal case, the orthopaedic doctor told me my pain was down to the degenerative back condition I had which caused the disc to prolapse in the first place but he never told me what it was. I also know from the difficulty 3 doctors had in doing a lumber puncture that my back is in a bad state. The ligaments are grainy and they were unable to pass a needle through them. When an anaesthetist eventually managed it he went in so high in my back the puncture marks were almost where my bra strap would sit and not at the base of my spine where a lumbar puncture would normally be done. So from what the anaesthetist said and the orthopaedic doctor I saw said I know something is wrong with my back but what? I'm gonna push my GP for an orthopaedic consult cos I am not prepared just to swallow pill after pill and not know what the underlying problem is. Don't know if that makes sense but it does to me. So back to what I was saying and what the second thing that people take for granted is the ability to talk and write and actually express yourself. I find it almost impossible sometimes to write with a pen and paper. I cant spell my own name, I cant form letters and the drugs are causing a dyslexic type reaction in me. I have sent emails where every d is a g and every g is a d. Good job I have understanding friends lol. I also cant find words and when I am talking to people I get stuck with words and cant say what I want to say or say anything at all. It's horrible. I usually burst into tears which kinda makes it worse. I call everyone by the wrong names including the kids (I dont even get the gender right with names), numbers mean nothing. I look at numbers and know they should mean something but I cant remember what. I tried to write the date yesterday and for once I could actually remember the date cos it's was my nephews birthday but could I remember how to write it? Could I hell as like. The guy was hovering over me waiting for me to fill out the form and I was so embarrassed. One of the worst things though is the confusion. I spend most of my time feeling confused and lost, not sure what I'm doing or supposed to be doing. I'm in the middle of an insurance claim after the break in at my house and the forms are horrible. I struggle to know what they mean. I was all set to take one of the forms down to the police cos I thought the word said police but it was pointed out to me that it actually said policy. The insurance company want receipts, instruction books, pictures, boxes etc. I cant even picture some of these things in my head farless know where to find them. How can you find something if you don't know what it looks like? So I am betwixt the devil and the deep blue sea here. I need the medication to be able to walk, to function, to have a life but because of the medication I cant function properly and try and avoid people cos I know I cant talk properly so it's taking away my life. But what do I do?

Now you might think what is she talking about? She wrote this blog. It's taken me 2 days to write this. I have read it and re read it and read it again until I think it's right. You can always let me know if it's not lolm