Tidying up the garden

It's been a nice day here and my son and I have been working in the front garden. Gardening was always my biggest hobby and my garden was my pride and joy but it's slipped since I've been disabled. But we got a lot of tidying up done and it looks so much better. I'm exhausted and in agony with my back now though and I'll pay for it with a few days stuck in bed :( but it's worth it. It's been a strange thing though that since my son got out of hospital I have had this urge to mend anything that's broken. I have been doing little repairs in the house and cleaning as much as I'm able to. It's almost like if I can fix all the things that are broken around me then maybe I can fix my life too. I'm not sure. But whatever the reason the results are good in that the house and now the garden are looking much better. Just need to tackle the back garden now. It's just a pity that most pleasure in my life now involves pain :( It's sometimes had to comprehend I will spend my whole life in what is sometimes unbearable pain. The pain killers take the edge off things but the side effects are so bad that sometimes I feel I'm living a half life due to them. I cant remember much about anything anymore. Days go by in a haze. I'm so sleepy too. Sometimes I find it difficult to even speak or type as words get mixed up or just disappear. I find myself trying to say tree and say tractor instead. Or try to talk about Dublin and say Belfast instead. The worst thing is finding I can get the first letter of a word out but the rest doesn't come and I'm left floundering with my mouth open looking bloody stupid. It's mad! But I try not to think about what I've lost and what the future holds for me as it makes me just want to give up and that's not good