Day 9 :(

Day 9 in hospital and am bored out my head. I have run out of books and am just sitting staring at the walls really. I've seen the kids today but no one else. I'm in a wee side room here on my own so although it's great for getting to sleep etc it's pretty isolated. I'm starting to have these weird panic attacks now too. I kept waking up last night in a cold sweat and was seemingly crying out too according to the nurses. I have a secret I guess (for want of a better word) that is too awful to tell anyone but I think I will go mad keeping it inside me. It hits me time and time again like a punch in my tummy and I don't know what the hell to do. Spending all this time in hospital in bed with no one but the kids around is not helping much either. I just love my life lol